QuietDawn

not looking for pity…just need somewhere to vent

it seems like today went bad

I barely spoke but still caused a weird shift between my friend Amy 

I forgot my card so I didn’t get it stamped for buying a pretzel

The laptop I borrowed from my school broke so I guess I’ll probably be paying for that

Lost my History class book 

I broke the zipper to my most favorite jeans(which means Im getting fatttt!!:o()

My hair is just a disaster (nuff said)

My skin is under attack by fleas??

My debit card number was stolen so I have $-125.58

My only computer isn’t working so well

I have an almost broken charger for my phone and 

Broken headphones from my emotions getting the best of me

to top it off I feel as though words are escaping me and I can’t seem to talk or write good anymore, maybe I am just over-thinking but that’s mostly what’s frighting me.

Otherwise Im moving forward, going to school next quarter, trying to get a job, deciding on whether to go through with studying a new language, computer science, or writing.

August is when
Im temporarily insane
Slightly blur the lines
Gently push the limits
Crave to focus on the odd
Dare the limits of fear
Create ultimatums
Taste the sourness of life
Laying bare beneath the heat
Jumping into icy waters
Forgetting to say goodnight
Tickling unsafe surfaces
Timeless smiles
Feathery thoughts
Cloudy predicaments
Scream random
Names
Lyrics
Memories
Out from my car
As we drive
Back into
The endless future
I could just stare at it all for hours

Its like the sun I can’t hide from
Everlasting in the mornings
Pushing its way into every corner of the room
The same way it soaks into my mind
Bright and familiar as it may be
The memories blind me by their vividness
Sometimes theres enough distraction to move around it all
Other times I feel imprisoned in this glowing glass box
Theres no need to know why
Or to regret any of it
Or to hurt myself or them
Or to chase them all over again
Old fears begin to swim once more
But then disappear in the afternoon

Miss me?
Is this some sort of joke?
Am I just a soulless body
To be used and discarded
As long as Im in it for real
The real me hasn’t been alive for months now
Maybe its my fault
But this is not what I signed up for
And the question remains
What is it that I signed up for?
At times Im alright with all of it
And then yes I back out
Because I know its a mistake
Is it time to come out of my coma?
My first choice or 2nd?
A nightmare or a relaxed state of mind?
I need to breathe again

At the moment…
Id like to hurt myself in anyway to rid myself of all memories
At the moment…
I wish I never met you
At the moment…
I feel sick to my stomach for making all these dumb decisions
At the moment…
I only remember the good and make excuses for all the bad
At the moment…
I wish I would realize that I have something better waiting for me
At the moment…
Im fighting so many urges
At the moment…
Im tired of waiting in suspense for something that will never come

Something i found while cleaning my bookcase… This is part of what was written on it

My skin crawls at tomorrow
Ive had enough of my sorrow
Dangerous steps need to be taken
My mind has been forsaken
Cleaning out the plain images
Putting up new colorful stages
Starting a new faith in life
Storming into a valuable strife
Toward a wondrous ride away
I hope my fear doesn’t beg me to stay

All weekend I tried…. As every chance I get… It was better by the end of last night… But no, it seems I’ll never be able to let someone in without pushing them a mile away from me… It seems to get worse when I’m not fully there when Im lost in my daydreaming..

Hungry for the escape
As I allow my mouth to be taped
Stuck in a blizzard Ill remain in forever
Oh if only I had been more clever
Doubt is creeping
Blood is seeping
My face is sneezing
My legs are freezing
Tasteless wonders
Curious blunders
Missing the giddy flutter
Trying to control all the clutter
Im not the only one with the disease
The problem isn’t the cheese
But a least I have the decency to defeat
Any and all kinds of ugly repeats
What is it that draws me to the complicated?
The answer to this will always be debated

(via saygoodbyeandgo)

My eyes hurt
So much to blurt
Tears rush forward
Let me fly away like a bird
Dumb stereo plays
unnecessary songs
Stay for the
unpleasant so-longs

What a difficult time to succumb to such riches
Bliss was great with ignorance as a shield
Once lifted whats left are the scars from tattered stitches
Am I falling for the imaginary
Tangled in radiance of befuddlement
More satisfying than exploring my library
Lucky to be this close to innocent joy
Unvarnished for life to crash
Dancing and eating what a delight
Harmonized watching a disappearing gash

Precisely undesirable
Memories never felt so disheveled
Lost in a mess of skins unknown
A figure of distinctive luxury
Echoes of apologies bounce around
Such an old tail to tell once more
Is it unfortunate that I wish it uncontaminated?

Haunting thirst
Stomach flipping emptiness
Choking on unfiltered tears awakens me
To the point of holding in
Even more treasures
There are only so many stories
Until…
Life becomes a swirling whisper
There are only so many thoughts
Before…
A wound reopens for infections to dance within
There are more than enough activities
Remaining…
underwater denied an opportunity

Lost again
Tracing back to what?
Nothing left
Dreams still wander
Flesh so fresh
Fingertips unforgiven
Please disappear
The best for last?
Or a last resort?
Better off jaded
Laying under the suns incandescence alone
Than walking down the street
With a spiritless unknown
Sincerity never felt so deprived

Pulled out of the ashes
Still pushing away all close encounters
Cold towards anything warm blooded
Drawn to the easily forgotten
The curves awaiting
Demand a heated touch
Guilty pleasures aside this is a necessity
Give in to the ins and outs of this grand nature
Clarity becomes the murky infinite
Another rainbow of sorts to please the bees
The possibility of sinking teeth within filth
That dread of progress or flourish
Never an issue until recent